To Domino

Dear Domino,

I love you more than I love dark chocolate M&Ms, more than I love a good enchilada, more than I love Mariah Carey's Christmas album (her version of O Holy Night is inspiring). But, and I know you saw this but coming, you need to stop headbutting and digging at the bathtub at 2 AM until I have to kick you out and shut the bathroom door. You did this in Charleston, but when you stopped for a few months I thought maybe your dog neuroses had remitted. Alas, I was wrong. Just this week you woke me up at 3:15 with scratching and bumping noises, and when I walked in you had a sweet innocent look on your face like this one:

I ain't been doin nothin, Mama. Nothin.

I have no idea what you're trying to accomplish. Did you bury something in the tub in a past life? Are you thirsty and smart enough to realize that water comes from there? I have to admit, if that were the case I would be pretty impressed. Either way, though, please stop so I can get some rest.

Love,
Mama